Hi everybody! Raymond here!
Good afternoon and happy to make your acquaintance here on the Pride Parade! Hopefully everything is wonderful with you and yours. Firstly, I want to convey my deepest gratitude to my mom who helped me write this post (Hi Charley Pride fans! --Ray's Mom). I believe that my mother (of whom I am her pride and joy) and I share that love of writing and sharing our thoughts to other people, I think the gift of scribe is truly an inherited trait (Actually Raymond was adopted. --Ray's Mom).
Well, gee...how I got into this mess. Well, I was a bit of a bad boy getting mixed up in drugs and gangs (Raymond thinks that he got mixed up in drugs and gangs, actually he just listens to a lot of that gangster rap. --Ray's Mom) before I reached a revelation in my life and made Charles Pride my personal savior (Raymond's father and I hope this is just a phase. --Ray's Mom).
My endless fascination with the man who would be known as Mr. Pride began two summers ago, when I met a great man named Ian. Lost in my shoot 'em up, bullish lifestyle full of decadence and graft (Actually Raymond was a very nice little boy, just mildly retarded according to his pediatrician. I think his last IQ test gauged him of having a score of 81. --Ray's Mom) and hookers. My brother-in-arms, Ian, showed me the way to salvation through the words of Pride. It is Pride who spaketh upon me to drop all horrific doings of my destructive lifestyle and follow him on the path to enlightenment (Raymond's father and I aren't sure what to make of this Ian boy. He seems nice, but a little odd. --Ray's Mom).
Everyday is a miracle of revelations and self-discovery. I have slept upon mighty bales of hay in a remote cornfield (Well, Raymond did sleep on a bale of hay which is part of our Halloween decorations. But its located in our front yard and NOT a remote cornfield! I don't know where he gets these notions. --Ray's Mom), I have fought the bumblers first hand as they have tried to commandeer my corn bread, my Mountain Dew and my potato salad! (If he would just stop eating his lunch near the garbage can at the municipal park he would avoid all those yellow jackets. --Ray's Mom).
Yes, Mr. Pride has bequeathed me the weapons to become closer to the earth, rooting myself into the Earth and growing like a bountiful stem. I am NOT a bumbler and shall battle the bumblers at every turn! I mean, honestly, why don't they just buzz around flowers instead of bothering people? (Because they are hornets Raymond, not honeybees. --Ray's Mom).
Thus, this post is a call to arms at sorts to drop your bumbling habits, pick up a rolled up newspaper, a can of Raid and/or possibly a fly swatter if you can find one at your local hardware store, and march among us! The Pride Parade! Your pride is a weapon against the bumblers and a wormhole onto the path of enlightenment. Pride bless you all! And Pridespeed! (Thanks everyone! Have a great day! XOXO --Ray's Mom).
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37 comments:
Remembers Yo pride is a waypon agenst the bumblers and a mormholes to the sidewalk of inlitemint!!!! Pride be bless yo al! Pridespeeding everysson!!
Okay, I give, what the hell is a bumbler? I keep conjuring images of that big monster dude on Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer.
Bumblers be going BZZZZZZ and aint go none stems or roots and try to steel my corn bread!
Raymond you and your mother are good people. It is hard to find one so dedicated to the flock.
Wisdom..We are the Chosen. Little Folk are those like yourself who have not found Charlie's way but can be taught. A bumbler is one who is beyond hope.
Mr Raymond,
Your mother is a very dear woman and makes the best sweetened iced tea I have ever had the pleasure to taste across my tongue.
Equal parts white and brown sugar she told me and then she made that joke about you that I didn't understand.
Please give her my fondest compliments for the dinner she prepared for the Pride Parade.
The brownies were delicious.
Akbar
she does make some kick ass brownies hell yeah.
Akbar Muhad.... So what do you think of America by now? We're all bat shit crazy you know. How do you like it in bat shit crazy California?
I enjoyed kicking around in the LA area when I was driving an 18 wheeler.
Raymond, interesting post, hug mommy for me.
Mr BBC,
America is a beautiful country and I love it here.
Everyone is on some sort of drug, everyone is overweight and the women are not as passive as they are in my country of origin. I could not be more happier.
Many blessings to you,
Akbar
akbar, I am not on any drugs, am not overweight and most definitely am not passive. Guess you can't have it all.
Wisdomstuff my dear,
My attempt at sarcasm was futile in terms of its meaning. My apologies for insulting you if I did.
I was only pointing out some of the traits that I see on television. Many people are on drugs and do not consider themselves to be. Coffee and sugar, restless leg syndrome pills, Aspirin and Visine, birth control.. etc.. I am guilty of pleasuring myself with coffee and sugary things. I also like to drink a few glasses of wine when I am at a Pride Parade event.
Why wuz everibody be actin all strange after tha brownies?
ian join u? as in?
You know as in me binding you tightly and inserting random things in you.
Today I filled my squirting flower with battery acid.
I am in desperate need of help!
Hey, anyone in the LA area should go to Pier 55 in Long Beach. There is a great little working mans fish market there. They will cook you up a nice seafood and fries platter at a reasonable price.
It's a good place to bumble around.
Akbar Muhad... It is a beautiful country, but on the road to self destruction. Everyone is too needy.
I just drive women more bat shit crazy, they don't get my spiritual journey. They don't get looking into my eyes as I fondle their nipples. Oh well, I'm learning to stay away from them, most of them are just empire builders and I am so not into that. All I have is all I need.
Jammie...I am here to help you, Charlie (Charley) is here. Why Bumble?
BBC...Why is it that I feel more and more than we would enjoy getting shitfaced and possibly arrested?
Ian.... A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend will be sitting there with you saying "Fuck!! That was fun." :-)
Feel free to drop by for a beer anytime, spirit buys 30 packs.
Raymond.... Has mommy got nice boobs? Give her another hug for me. The cosmic spirit is a sort of pervert. Like you. :-)
When you're born in Sledge, one o' eleven share-croppin' kin, I don't ask what you're doing here, or if it's a sin.
Because, Here lies a man who never asked the world for nothin'
He laboured in the sun and slept in the shade of a tree
His hands was calloused but his heart was warm
For his mind was pure and free
The good Lord knows that's the way a man's got to be
Settle down and pay some respect!
I never realized before now, how truely great Charlie Pride is/was/whatever and how my life has been lacking any real substance abuse until YOU left a devine comment on my blog and showed me the way. Thanks you Ian! I shall bumble no more... except for that 'thing' I like to do with grapefruit...
My goodness. M M M M Mr. Pride and J J J Jesus!!
Today is a good day to be alive!
Hallelujah!
Grapefruit? Shoot, I've had it all wrong, I thought it was a pumpkin.
Good night friends, spirit is out of beer and going to bed. Hugs.
That is not me.
Just for that I am demoting you and putting Rayray in your position.
Ian you will sleep on the hay tonight.
I've said my piece.
Yo sleepin on tha hay is a revelatonary relijus expiriense!
hey man does that mean we have to take orders from a retard?
HA! Got ya!
You really think in all my infinite wisdom I'd put a teletubbie like Rayray in charge?
Fill, you be protectin my cornbread from the bumblers!
AHAHAHAHAAHHAA
Oh Charlie you are so wise and impressive.
I would gladly wear a hole through my tongue licking your boots clean.
Hello everyone!
Hello Mr Pride! My hands tremble with delight being in your presence!
I am counting the minutes until our next teleconference.
Praze be the wizdim of Misdah Pride and all his wizdim. Protectin us aganst the bumblers and buyin us Raid and roled up noosepapers!
I am Charlie Pride.
We all seen hard times. Gone and done things in our lives we weren't proud of but what under heaven made you pick my name and songs to start a site like this that tries fleecing otherwise good folks?
Praze be Mr. Pride to be changin faces and all and lookin yung and lookin ol! It be time for me Raymond to go and be a pilgremage and sale the mayflour lookin fo Mr. Pride!
Then I be meatin indians and eatin turkey jus like the pilgramages!
I'm an leafin rite now! wish mah ass luck! I will reetern!
Pridesped and Pride bress yo!
Hello, this is Raymond's mom. Raymond is actually going with us to see Aunt Effel and Joe! They give him the nicest presents!
Well, toodle-loo Charley Pride fans!
Love ya! XO
--Ray's Mom.
Ian:
If you are into licking boots...
Mine need shinin'.
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